


The Spirit of Death

by anonfanfic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8720983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonfanfic/pseuds/anonfanfic
Summary: Both Lexa and Clarke must make hard decisions that will forever change them. This world has done nothing but try to break them. What if what they needed was each other all along?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This started as an anon prompt on Tumblr and I just had fun with it. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Tumblr: @anonfanfic

Clarke felt the residing anger still burning in her chest. It had been far too long and she had been more patient than she ever should have with her people. They didn’t want to move forward in peace with the Grounders, they wanted to rule over them. It wasn’t just Pike; the poison he had started to spread before his death had burned too deep into the community for Clarke to save it again.

  
Her footfalls were heavy and in the back of her mind, beyond the angry haze, she could hear the snapping twigs and knew she wasn’t being wise or careful. Clarke was tired of being the one who was careful and letting her own needs slip through her fingers to please everyone else. Her mind immediately went to Lexa. How long had it been now? Clarke calculated it had been at least three months since she had been to Polis. Three months since she had finally did something for herself and gave into her feelings for Lexa.

  
What could Lexa be doing in this very moment? Was she dealing with her own people? Maybe she too was feeling the anger of being tossed to the side for the betterment of the whole. Clarke’s steps slowed as her thoughts let her travel instantly to Polis. She could almost smell the meats roasting on the open, dirt streets. Clarke could feel her stomach drop slightly as the elevator leading up to the top floor started to move. Her palms started to sweat at just the thought of being in the same room as Lexa again.

  
The doors to the elevator were about to open and Clarke knew that Lexa would be on the other side waiting for her, but a noise behind her made Clarke’s eyes open and her ears perk. She was still in the cold forest and the same anger replaced the excitement she had felt a moment before. Except now, the anger was giving way to the instincts she had honed all those months alone in the woods. When she was Wanheda it was almost like she was a completely different person. Now she could feel her coming back up to greet whatever intruder had found her. It scared her more than the unknown threat in the woods, because she knew once Wanheda came to the surface there was very little she could do to stop her.

  
Clarke turned and saw a figure appearing from the thick woods in dark, heavy robes. “Clarke kom Skaikru.” Indra’s voice was enough to stop Clarke’s motion to her side to draw her knife. She also felt the powerful force of Wanheda retreat as the danger lifted.

  
“Indra?” Clarke walked over to her old friend to see that her face was covered with a thick cloth to protect against the frost. She had been traveling for quite a long time. “What are you doing here?” Clarke asked as Indra pulled down her face protection. Clarke knew once she saw her expression that something was wrong.

  
“I have been sent to bring you to Polis. The Commander is sick. She only wishes to see you.” Indra’s voice is monotone and emotionless as she delivers her message, but Clarke could see the sadness she was hiding behind her eyes.

  
“Is she going to be okay?” Clarke asked, not bothering to hide her urgency.

  
“It isn’t clear. The healers have been with her all night. I was sent out at first light with Nyko to retrieve you and your mother.”

  
Clarke could tell Indra thought all of this explaining was useless. She was anxious to get back to the capital and be by her leaders side. Clarke couldn’t blame the warrior, she wanted to turn and run towards Polis and never look back. She knew that she couldn’t do that without knowing what she was walking into. She had to know if she was going to hold Lexa in her arms as she took her last breath.

  
“Nyko is at Arkadia right now to ask your mother to come to Polis. I have two horses and would like to head back to the city now.”

  
Now Clarke could hear Indra’s emotions behind her words and knew that the Grounder cared very deeply for Lexa. Clarke nodded and watched as Indra pulled the cloth around her face again. She reached into the bag that was wrapped tightly around her waist and pulled out a red cloth for Clarke to do the same.

  
The moment Clarke wrapped it around her face she smelled Lexa and her heart leapt into her throat. Lexa had given this to Indra before she left to make sure Clarke knew everything was going to be okay. A look passed between the two before they started walking back the way Indra had come.

  
The ride to Polis should have been more painful. The cold should have pierced through Clarke like small, sharp daggers. Yet nothing mattered until she was inside the tower by Lexa’s side. The sight of Polis Tower a few hours later gave Clarke a resurgence of energy as she dug her heels desperately into her horse, silently pleading with the strong animal to go just a little faster.

  
Clarke dismounted and nearly lost her balance when her feet hit the ground. She took a few tentative steps toward the wide doors, her thighs burning and her feet feeling like heavy stones.

  
“Clarke.” Indra called to her as she jumped from her horse and walked over to her. “Your body is shutting down because of the cold. Here, you need to drink this before you go into shock.” Indra handed Clarke a brown bottle and removed the thick cork.   
Clarke didn’t even question what she was drinking. She just put the bottle to her lips and drank deeply, needing her body to let her move just a little more, she was so close.

  
The liquid inside was thick and tasted like sap. Clarke resisted the urge to gag as she swallowed as much as she could before handing the bottle back to Indra. “What is that?” Clarke finally asked, she could feel her throat being coated with it.

  
“A mixture of herbs and sap from the Alicorn tree.” Indra answered as she took the bottle and drank the rest of the concoction. “Are you feeling ready to move?” She asked as she put the cork back in the bottle and stashed it back into her bag.

  
Clarke could feel a warmth creeping through her body. Her legs stopped burning and she took a deep breath to steady herself before she took another step. “I’m okay.” Clarke answered as she once again took off toward the open doors of the tower.   
Clarke could hear Indra on her heels as they walked into the large elevator and immediately started moving upwards. When Clarke imagined the drop in her stomach a few hours before, she never imagined it would be accompanied by a nauseated feeling too.

  
The doors opened and Clarke nearly fell backwards when she saw a familiar figure standing there waiting for her.

  
“Hello Clarke.” Lexa’s hands were behind her back and there was no expression on her face. Clarke looked up and down at Lexa’s tall figure. She didn’t look ill at all. If anything Lexa looked stronger than the last time Clarke had seen her.

  
“What-What’s going on?” Clarke stuttered as she walked out of the elevator with Indra. Her head was spinning and Clarke couldn’t tell if it was from seeing Lexa healthy when she expected to see her sick, near death, in bed. It could have also been whatever Indra had given her outside.

  
“I’m sorry I had to lie to you.” Lexa took a step forward and reached her arm out toward Clarke. She pulled it back quickly like she had gotten too close to a fire. “I sent Indra and Nyko on a mission to retrieve those loyal to the coalition.”  
Clarke’s head felt like it was full of an angry hive of bees.

  
“Arkadia has been a rogue member of the alliance for far too long. We had hope that once Pike was taken out of power peace would be restored. But there have still been attacks, and villages have burned at the hands of your people.” Lexa’s face was set as she explained herself. This wasn’t Clarke’s Lexa standing before her, this was the Commander in all of her strength and power.

  
“What do you mean? What are you saying Lexa?” Clarke felt like she already knew what Lexa was trying to tell her.

  
“The armies of the twelve clans march on Arkadia. I didn’t have much time to send people I trusted to make sure I could save yo-who I could.”

  
Clarke watched Lexa blink back emotions as she always did.

  
“What will happen to those left behind?” Clarke’s eyes were burning. Her chest was so tight she thought she would never get another breath.

  
“Arkadia will be burned and flattened,” Lexa swallowed heavily and for the first time since she began talking her gaze dropped to the ground. She looked back up at Clarke to finish. “As well as anyone behind the walls.”

  
Clarke stumbled backwards before she caught herself on the doorway of the elevator. “Do you know who Nyko is saving? Will he even be able to get to everyone before the attack?”

  
Lexa looked at Indra and the Grounder got the hint that Lexa wanted to be alone with Clarke. Lexa watched Indra walk down the hall and turn the corner before she spoke again.

  
“Clarke, I couldn’t let Arkadia continuously disregard the alliance or my leadership. Action needed to be taken and I did what needed to be done.” Lexa once again reached out but this time it was Clarke who pulled back.

  
“Just like you did what you needed to do on Mount Weather, right?” Clarke spat angrily and immediately regretted it. She was angry and scared, but she knew Lexa had no choice. She wouldn’t have ordered the armies unless she felt she absolutely had to do it.

  
Clarke could see the pain in Lexa’s eyes and the guilt crept up from her stomach to her chest. “I’m sorry.” Clarke began and walked closer to Lexa. “I shouldn’t have said that. My people have made their choice. I made mine months ago.” Clarke reached up and put her hands on Lexa’s arms. “I don’t regret it, not for a second.” Clarke tried to catch Lexa’s eyes as she spoke.

  
Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes and she saw the Commander smile softly at her. “I just wanted you safe.” Lexa spoke softly. Now she was Clarke’s Lexa and she felt all the familiar feelings of love and desire fill her.

  
“Everything I need or could ever need is right here. I have never been so certain. Thank you for getting those who were loyal out.” Clarke pulled Lexa into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.”

  
Clarke felt Lexa’s arms wrap around her waist. “I never want to say goodbye again Clarke.” Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and Clarke took a deep breath and smiled.

  
“You won’t.

  
Clarke allowed herself just one minute of crudely created peace in Lexa’s arms before she pulled away and looked sadly into equally sad green eyes.

  
“Who got out?” Clarke asked quietly, not sure if she really wanted to know who was going to live and die.

  
“If all goes as planned Nyko should be arriving with your mother, Kane, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, and Bellamy.” Lexa stuttered at the last name. Bellamy had been one of the main Arkers to fight against the peace she and Lexa were trying to build. However, she knew what a good leader he was and that meant something to her, Clarke knew that.

  
“Thank you.” Clarke pulled Lexa in again. She tried not to think of the hundreds that would perish when the clan's armies arrived. She tried to blink away tears and could only hope that those she knew behind the walls, who wanted peace, would somehow find their way out.

  
Clarke’s cold fingers were finally starting to thaw and she felt the warm leather of Lexa’s jacket under them. It was comforting to finally be back in Polis, even with the threat of a massacre layover them. Clarke felt a knot of guilt in her stomach as the thoughts ran through her mind.

  
This time it was Lexa who pulled away and looked at Clarke. “I’ve made arrangements to have one of the guest quarters ready for you. I know the ride must have been tiring.”

  
Clarke let her arms drop to her sides. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” Clarke looked hopefully at Lexa. “Can I stay with you?”

  
Lexa tried to hide the flash of excitement that lit up her face for a second, but Clarke caught it.

  
“You are welcome to stay with me.” Lexa smiled at Clarke with a small nod. Clarke couldn’t help but smile back at Lexa. If she closed her eyes and pretended enough she could even pretend that this was normal. She was just exploring her feelings for Lexa with all the time in the world.

  
“When will they arrive in Polis? The ones who made it out.” Clarke asked, careful not to get her hopes up that everyone Lexa had named would walk into Polis.

  
“Midday tomorrow.” Lexa replied and turned to walk down the hallway. A slight jerk of her head was enough for Clarke to know to follow. “I have sent a guard to meet them halfway on their journey in case any of the clans sent scouts and they are followed.”

  
Clarke felt a renewed sense of respect and gratitude for Lexa. She had always been wise when it came to times of war or hardship. Clarke had fought both by her side and against her, she knew firsthand that Lexa left nothing to chance.

  
They got to Lexa’s chamber doors and two guards stood straight and opened the door for them to enter. The stone room hadn’t changed in the months since Clarke had last seen it. Her eyes automatically went to the large bed. She was teleported back in time through her mind to the last time she had been in this room. She felt the warm lips and soft touches. She heard the murmurs that had echoed against their tangled bodies. It was like she was drowning in the memories.

  
“I can sleep on the couch.” Lexa’s voice came from behind Clarke and made her jump. She spun around to see that Lexa had taken off every article of clothing that marked her as Heda. The only thing remaining were the braids in her hair.

  
“You don’t have to do that.” Clarke’s voice felt like it was stuck in her throat as she spoke. The two girls were moving closer to each other with every intake of breath. Neither said a word as they came together, an invisible force seemingly needing to join them in an intimate embrace.

  
“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Lexa responded and reached up to brush away Clarke’s wild blonde hair. It still held tangles from her walk in the woods and ride to the city.

  
“I don’t want to sleep without you.” Clarke responded and brought her own hands up to hold Lexa’s face. Her fingers traced the sharp line of Lexa’s jaw as both girls kept eye contact.

  
Lexa simply nodded and finally placed her lips on Clarke’s. Both girls simultaneously sighed into the kiss. It was like neither had truly breathed since they had parted so long ago. Clarke’s entire body felt like it could float away. She hadn’t realized just how badly she had needed Lexa. Not just for moments like this, but for her strength and belief in Clarke as a leader. Lexa gave her so much more than anyone in her life ever had before.

  
It wasn’t long before clothing started to fall to the floor. The candles that had been lit before they arrived made playful silhouettes of the two figures against the rough walls. Their shadows danced together as they came together only to break apart to remove another article of clothing. Clarke pressed her lips firmly against Lexa’s neck. She let her lips trail along her soft skin until she reached her collarbone and took a small nip at the tender skin.

  
Lexa’s gasp drove Clarke crazy and she started leading Lexa to the bed where they had first come together. The place they should have never left because since they had the world had gone to shit. When they had been warm and safe together the world could have been burning and it wouldn’t have touched them.

  
Clarke felt that same feeling fill her up as she fell on top of Lexa on the large bed. Hands were becoming as frantic as lips when they tangled together on the bed. Clarke heard Lexa let out a moan as her fingers went to work. Clarke looked up and memorized just how beautiful Lexa looked. She was lit with the soft candlelight and so vulnerable it was like a masterpiece being created right before her eyes.

  
For quite a while the girls were able to push the thoughts of war and rogue clans and kill orders from their minds. All that mattered was making the other feel as amazing as possible.

  
Clarke found herself once again holding Lexa under the warm furs as they fought sleep just to stare at each other. Neither wanted to shut their eyes because they knew that once the sun rose again they wouldn’t know when they could be alone like this again.

  
“Sleep.” Clarke scooted closer to Lexa and kissed the tip of her nose. “You have a guard coming in tomorrow. War paint may be the only thing that will hide your dark circles if you don’t get some rest.”

  
“If it meant I could look at you for one more minute I would never sleep again.” Lexa smiled and moved so she could rest her head on Clarke’s chest.

  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here now.” Clarke kissed the top of Lexa’s head and listened as her breathing became more deep and relaxed. Lexa had finally given into her exhaustion. Clarke felt her own creeping up on her as she settled into the bed and ran her fingers absentmindedly up and down Lexa’s skin.

  
Clarke’s last thoughts before sleep overtook her were of her people and the armies that were marching to kill all of them. She thought of sneaking out of the tower and taking a horse to try and beat the armies to Arkadia. But Clarke knew that even if she could make it in time there would be people who would welcome a war between the Grounders and that could be even more dangerous for the people who could escape.

  
Clarke felt her eyes closing and knew that tomorrow there would be so much to explain to those who walked through the gates of the city. She knew that some of her people, even those who were saved by her, would question Lexa and her orders. Clarke wouldn’t let anyone come against Lexa. She knew just how hard it was for Lexa to place the kill order on her people. She knew that Lexa didn’t take any of this lightly. This was the burden of being a leader. You have to do what you think is right for your people, but that doesn’t always mean it’s good for everyone.

  
Sleep finally won and Clarke made sure her arms were wrapped around Lexa as she fell into a peaceful sleep that only one thing could give her.

  
Clarke felt herself slowly coming up from the deep sleep that had consumed her hours before. Her body felt heavy and if it wasn’t for her people marching with Nyko to Polis at this very moment Clarke was sure she could fall back asleep. But any tiredness was wiped away at the thought of Arkadia in flames. Clarke sat up in bed, unable to sit still anymore. Her nerves were overwhelming her and without even thinking she whipped off the furs that covered her and stood up on the cool stone floor. Clarke heard Lexa stir as she bent down to find her clothing.

  
“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice was stiff with sleep. “Is everything okay?”

  
Clarke looked back at Lexa who was sitting up now. She looked very concerned as she pushed her own covers from her body. Clarke forgot every thought in her head as she watched Lexa’s long, lean, and very naked body get out of bed.

  
“They’ll be here in a few hours.” Clarke spoke, but had to look away from Lexa’s amazing form to do it. “I want to make sure I’m ready to greet them and hopefully explain more when they get here.”

  
Clarke took a chance and turned around to see that Lexa had put on enough clothing to cover her body. She could see the saddens in the Commander’s eyes as she picked up her shirt and quietly pulled the sleeves out and slid it on over her head.

  
“Are you okay?” Clarke asked, walking over to where Lexa was now standing looking straight ahead and not blinking. “Hey.” Clarke touched Lexa’s arm and watched as Lexa flinched slightly.

  
“I’m sorry Clarke. I’m sorry I’ve put you in this position. I vowed to keep your people safe and I failed.” Lexa’s eyes began to fill with tears and Clarke watched as her jaw clenched and unclenched. She was trying very hard to control her emotions, but this was obviously tearing her apart inside.

  
“Lexa.” Clarke put her hand under Lexa’s chin and made her look into her eyes. “You didn’t fail. The people behind those walls have killed your people and tried to destroy your culture. There are those loyal to the coalition and you are doing everything you can to save them. What else could you have done? I won’t watch you die trying to protect people I no longer see as my people.” Clarke watched a tear slide down Lexa’s cheek and a sad smile appear.

  
“I will always try to do everything I can to protect you Clarke.” Lexa wasn’t just saying it for Clarke’s sake, she was reassuring herself that she was still the same Heda who could make nations crumble at her feet and yet still be so gentle when she held Clarke late into the night.

  
“I know.” Clarke smiled and leaned in to give Lexa a quick kiss on the lips and wipe away another tear that made its way down Lexa’s beautifully angular features.

  
By the time the girls finished getting dressed and eating the sun was rising high in the sky and Clarke could feel the tension in the throne room as Lexa and her ambassador’s waited for Nyko’s return and anyone he was bringing with him.

  
The room was silent and that made it easy to hear the running steps that echoed just outside the double doors of the room. Lexa sat straighter as young Aden burst through the door out of breath and sweating. “They have arrived Heda.” The boy gasped as he walked up the aisle to stand before his teacher. He bowed, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

  
“How many Aden?” Lexa asked the question she knew Clarke needed to hear. “How many are with Nyko?”

  
Aden looked up and his face scrunched in deep thought as he tried to remember the numbers he had seen walking through the city. “At least twelve.” He finally responded and stood up straight as his breathing evened out.

  
Lexa’s eyebrows rose slightly as she stole a glance at Clarke. That was more people than Lexa had named. Either they had picked up others who had fled or they had captured some of the defectors and were bringing them to Heda for judgement.

  
“Thank you Aden. Please return to your training and inform Titus of the news.” Lexa nodded at the boy and as always Clarke noticed what no one else in the room did. A looked passed between student and teacher and even in this moment of anxiety it gave Clarke a warm feeling in her chest seeing the love and respect between the two nightbloods.

  
When voices filled the empty hallway Clarke watched Lexa stand, her fierce green eyes locked on the doors in front of her. Clarke resisted her desire to stand too. She knew that it was a sign of respect for those rescued from an attack to bow before the Commander. She just wonder who of the twelve would actually follow the tradition.

  
The doors swung open and Clarke saw Nyko leading a small group into the room. Some, like Octavia and Lincoln looked alert and prepared for anything. Others, like Kane and Abby looked confused, but not unhappy to be in Polis. Clarke watched the faces that came through the door. It was the six that Lexa had named in addition to Harper, Monty, Jasper, Miller, Bryan, and Sinclair. Clarke was relieved so many others had made it out. Though what was a dozen compared to the hundreds who would likely die today?

  
“Welcome honored guests.” Lexa began to speak and Clarke was torn from her thoughts and back to reality as the remaining members of Skaikru lined up in front of Lexa. “I apologize for the circumstances that brought you to the city. But I am grateful to see we did have allies in the thirteenth clan.” Clarke looked from Lexa to the line of people standing in silence before her. There was a mixture of emotion on their faces, but Clarke was drawn to Bellamy first who looked like he was biting his tongue while listening to Lexa. Even more striking was Jasper who looked indifferent to Lexa’s words, he almost looked bored like he could walk out of the room any second and not care how disrespectful it was for him to do it.

  
Clarke looked up at Lexa and could tell she noticed as well. Of course she did, as leaders they had to know every possible outcome of a situation before it even happened, even if they were wrong they had to try.

  
“I know many of you have questions and concerns. I assure you that over time we will try to give you as many answers as we can. For now, I want you to know that this city is a safe place for you. I have brought all of you here as my guests and you will be treated as such.” Lexa put her hands behind her back for her next words. “Before we can be dismissed you must pledge your allegiance to the coalition and my leadership. I ask that starting with Kane you all step forward one at a time and bow before me.” Clarke watched as some of the people in the line shifted uncomfortably, but no one spoke. “Once you have bowed you will be welcomed back into the coalition.” Lexa looked over at Kane on her far right and watched as he moved forward and took a knee in front of her. His head dropped to look at the ground as a sign of respect. Kane had always understood how this culture worked, he respected it and because of that he had found favor with Lexa. After a few minutes he rose and nodded gratefully at Lexa who responded in kind.

  
Next came Abby, Lincoln, Octavia, Monty, Harper, Sinclair, and Miller. All of them bowed, though some of the old guard of Arkadia took a second before they took a knee in front of Lexa. Then came Bellamy and Clarke’s heart stopped as she watched him standing and staring daggers at Lexa. She thought he would refuse to bow and submit to someone he thought had betrayed them. Yet to Clarke’s surprise she watched him step forward slowly and drop not just to one knee but both in front of Lexa.

  
Bellamy got up and went back to his spot in line without a word, but he looked at Clarke sitting near Lexa’s left, and she could see just how broken he seemed to be.

  
A wild and loud laugh made Clarke focus back on the line. Jasper looked unhinged as he continued to laugh uncontrollably. “I’m sorry.” Jasper pretended to wipe away a tear from his eye as he looked up at Lexa and then Clarke. “Your girlfriend has killed just as many of us as we’ve killed of their people and we’re suppose to just give up and follow her?” Clarke could feel Lexa tense next to her. “Bullshit!” Jasper yelled and without warning pulled a dagger from his side. He ran as fast as he could toward Lexa with his knife raised high above his head.

  
Clarke felt her body move on pure instinct. It was Wanheda now and Clarke could only watch as she pulled her own knife and stepped in front of Lexa. Clarke could only scream internally as her knife plunged into Jasper’s chest and stopped him in his tracks. His eyes went wide as he looked down to see the hilt of Clarke’s knife sticking out of his chest.

  
Clarke looked up at Jasper’s pale face and was surprised to see a crazed smile on it. There was blood forming at the corners of his mouth. He dropped his knife with a clatter on the stone steps and fell back. He put his hand on the hilt but didn’t move it as he looked back up at Clarke. “Don’t think I’ll be coming back from this.” He sputtered and small droplets of blood appeared on his chin. “Thanks Princess.” Clarke felt shock overtaking her body. Those were Finn’s last words when she had mercy killed him so long ago. It was clear now that Jasper had been ready for this since Mount Weather. He hadn’t wanted to be in such a cruel world, he just wasn’t built for it. Clarke felt so disconnected from her body it was like she was watching everything happen through a blurred monitor. She could just make out the voices of those in the room. No one dared move from their spot in line. It was clear to anyone standing near Jasper that he couldn’t be saved.

  
Clarke moved quickly and helped lay him down on the ground. His breathing was becoming shallow now, there wasn’t much time. “Don’t say it.” Jasper gasped, not wanting to hear the Skaikru goodbye as he faded away. “I’m sorry.” Jasper whispered as tears spilled down his eyes. He was nearing the end now and all Clarke could do was hold his hand. “This world broke me. I would have killed her, you were right to stop me.” Jasper’s chest heaved as he struggled for one last breath. Clarke felt connected to Jasper for the first time in quite a long time. She took his hand as she watched the light begin to leave his eyes. She felt someone over her and knew that Raven and Abby had joined her. There were no words that anyone could think of that would express everything that was happening in this moment. Jasper had been heading down a dark path since Mount Weather. Clarke had never imagined this would be where their paths would cross again.

  
A gurgling noise came from Jasper’s throat and then he was gone. In his last moments Clarke had caught a glimpse of the old Jasper. The hopeful boy who had wanted so much to be the hero. No matter what, he seemed trapped in his mind and destined to be the villain.

  
Clarke stood up as two large Grounders walked over to remove Jasper’s body. She stood up and saw most people in the line were in some stage of grief, except Bellamy who was just looking straight ahead at Lexa. She stared back at him and Clarke wondered what wordless conversation they had been having while she took care of Jasper.

  
The rest of the ceremony went by quickly. The remaining members of Skaikru bowed and pledged their allegiance to Lexa and the coalition. When it was finished Clarke walked over to her mother and Kane. Her mom pulled her into a tight hug. “Are you okay?” Abby asked into her daughter’s hair.

  
“I’m okay.” Clarke assured her and pulled away. She put a thankful hand on Kane’s arm. He had been so good to her mother and Clarke could never tell him how grateful she was for him. “Have the armies reached Arkadia?” Clarke wasn’t sure she wanted the answer.

  
“We watched the armies converge and saw the smoke as we escaped to the city. They won’t leave anything standing.” Kane was the one to respond. Clarke wasn’t sure what she had expected, but the news made her heart feel like it was filled with coarse sand.

  
Raven walked over and nodded at Clarke in greeting. “I didn’t get to save any of my tech Griffin.” She was only half joking, but Clarke could see in her eyes that she was ready to get to work here in Polis. Raven had never been one to need rescue, and Clarke was sure even now, she didn’t think of this as a rescue but a recruitment because of her skills. “I’ll have to make a new workshop wherever I get put up.”

  
Clarke smiled at her friend, “I’ll speak with Lexa about getting you everything you need.”

  
Raven’s mouth lifted in half a smile. “Good to have someone bedding the leader as a friend.”

  
Clarke watched Abby’s eyes grow wide. She looked at Raven in a silent and very sarcastic ‘thank you’.

  
“Whoops.” Raven bit her lower lip as she spun around and left the group.

  
“Mom, do you want to lay down? You’ve travelled a long way.” Clarke tried to change the subject as quickly as she could.

  
Abby still looked shocked but nodded, “I think that would be a good idea. We can catch up tonight.” Clarke smiled at her mother, knowing that she hadn’t gotten away with not having to talk about her relationship with Lexa.

  
The same guards who had taken Jasper out of the room walked up and lead Kane and Abby out of the throne room.

  
Bellamy was the next person that walked up to Clarke. “What’s the endgame here Clarke? We just play good little soldier for Lexa? We pretend like she didn’t leave us to die on the mountain?”

  
Clarke was exhausted already. Lexa had made her mistakes, it was very true, but all of them, Bellamy included, had made vital mistakes as leaders. There was a time for vengeance and there was a time to forgive and move on. Bellamy was having trouble finding where he stood.

  
“She saved us. We would have died behind those walls if she didn’t come for us.” Clarke tried to keep the anger out of her response.

  
“Who says? We could have fought. I hope they did fight.” Bellamy kept his voice low to avoid anyone overhearing him.

  
“Bellamy, it wasn’t just a village of Grounders that we fought when we first landed. It was the armies of all twelve clans. With or without our guns it will be a massacre.” Clarke felt dirty even saying it. She hated that she had to be so straightforward. Se had just killed one of her own people because he had believed this world was something different than what it really was. She had to kill Jasper because he couldn’t handle the pain of loss. This whole world was loss and pain. The best any of them could do was find what was worth fighting for and hold onto it. Clarke had done that when she found Lexa.

  
“I’m going back.” Bellamy told her flatly. “I can’t stay here while Arkadia burns. I have to see if I can save anyone.”

  
Clarke opened her mouth to argue but for some reason she stayed silent. She knew that there would be no talking Bellamy out of playing his hero role.

  
“Fine. I’ll arrange for a horse so you won’t have to travel on foot.”

  
Bellamy just nodded at her and turned to walk out of the room. Lexa moved in his way and the two of them just stared at each other. “I can’t allow you to leave the city Bellamy.” Lexa had heard them and Clarke watched as Bellamy’s hands balled into tight fists.

  
“I wasn’t asking for your permission….Commander.” Bellamy’s jaw was tight and the last word came out in a slightly mocking tone.

  
“Do you understand that once you go outside of the city my protection no longer follows you?” Lexa tried to explain calmly despite Bellamy’s disrespectful tone.

  
“I don’t believe I asked for your protection.” Bellamy retorted angrily and quickly brushed passed Lexa. Clarke held her breath, she knew that Lexa could drop him as he walked toward the door. She could sentence him to spend the rest of his days in a box down below the tower, but she let him walk and Clarke knew that was partly because of herself. They had already lost one member of the group in their first few moments in the city. Jasper had attacked it was true, but Clarke knew it was felt by everyone in the room.

  
“Octavia and Lincoln have gone to meet with Indra.” Lexa didn’t dwell on Bellamy’s exit. “Nyko has informed me that Arkadia has been wiped off the map. There were no survivors.”

  
Clarke bowed her head as she let the news wash over her. Everyone from her old life in the sky could almost be counted on one hand.

  
“Now what?” Clarke asked.

  
“Now we try to find peace again.” Lexa smiled warmly at Clarke. “This time we do it together.”

  
They didn’t mention Bellamy or Jasper. The room hung heavy with the weight of Jasper’s loss, but it was not something anyone cared to dwell on. This world had killed dozens of others in violent and horrible ways. It did no good to stay with the dead unless you wanted to join them.

  
“Is your mother alright?” Lexa asked after a few moments of silence. The question made Clarke want to grab Lexa’s face and kiss her. She didn’t care who was watching. Lexa’s care for her and her family meant more to her in that moment than she could ever express.

  
“She’s fine, thank you. She’s resting with Kane.” Clarke resisted the urge to reach out to Lexa. She had been her rock and someone she could look to when she felt trapped. “How are you?” Clarke asked.

  
“If I’m being honest I wish I could rest too.” Lexa sighed as she spoke quietly. “But arrangements must be made for Jasper’s body and now I must send a guard to watch over Bellamy.”

  
Clarke couldn’t hold back anymore and she put her hand on Lexa’s forearm. “You don’t have to do it alone.” They looked at each other and a familiar heat started to flow through Clarke.

  
“Do we have time to rest before we get started?” Clarke asked hopefully and in the back of her mind she knew a little selfishly too.

  
“Not now.” Lexa sighed, Clarke knew that both women just wanted to lock themselves away and just hold each other for days on end. “But soon.” She smiled slyly at Clarke.

  
They spent the rest of their day taking care of Jasper’s body and having a proper ceremony for him. While many had started to question his sanity, no one ever questioned his heart. There were tears shed and Clarke felt a small piece of her heart break for one of the original members of her group. They had come so far and if Jasper’s death told Clarke anything it was that his world would do everything possible to break them.

  
When the ceremony finished Clarke looked around and noticed that Bellamy had snuck out. Lexa walked up to her with Harper a few steps behind. Clarke thought it was quite an odd sight to see the two women together.

  
“Harper has informed me that Bellamy has decided to travel back to Arkadia tonight.” Lexa looked irritated as she delivered the news. “He has refused anything but a horse to ride.” Lexa took a deep breath through her nose before she spoke again. “There is very little I can do for him outside of the city. If he is caught the order is to kill on sight.”

  
Clarke sighed and thought about Bellamy and his ability to be more stubborn than a solid brick wall. “There’s not much we can do Lexa. We can’t keep him prisoner.”

  
Lexa just nodded. Clarke knew that even though Bellamy and Lexa had never gotten along they both did have a sense of respect for the other. Lexa didn’t want to lose Bellamy for many reasons and Clarke knew that one of the main reasons was Bellamy’s ability to lead and fight fearlessly.

  
“Do we have anything else that we need to take care of before we are able to go back to your chambers?” Clarke asked, well aware that Harper could hear her and realizing just how little she cared who knew that she and Lexa were together.

  
“If it’s alright with you Heda,” Harper began and Clarke could tell that the word ‘Heda’ felt foreign in her mouth. Lexa turned to face the girl as she spoke. “I would like to go with Bellamy. If we can’t keep him in the city at least we can try to stop him from doing something even stupider.”

  
Lexa looked over at Clarke who gave her a small nod.

  
“That’s fine Harper. But you do understand the risks involved in leaving the safety of the city?” Lexa asked.

  
“Not to be rude or anything but this entire world is a risk. I’d rather die doing something worthwhile if it’s all the same to you.” Harper had always been a fighter and Clarke really admired that. If anything was going to do with Bellamy, other than herself or Raven, Clarke was happy it was someone as strong as Harper.

  
“Thank you.” Clarke moved passed Lexa and put her hand on Harper’s shoulder. “Be safe.” She added and Harper gave her a smile.

  
“I’ll try to get through to him.” Harper’s face broke into a slightly wider smile as she and Clarke shared a silent thought of Bellamy doing anything he didn’t want to do. “Like I said, I’ll try.”

  
Without another word Harper turned and walked out of the room.

  
“Does it make you feel better having her with him?” Lexa asked as they followed Harper’s trail toward the exit.

  
“No, if anything it means that we could lose both of them out there.” Clarke admitted. “All we can do is hope they make it back without being seen.”

  
Lexa nodded. “Bellamy is wise. He has been inside the mountain and survived. He is strong, just as you are strong.”

  
Lexa stopped in the darkened hallways and put her hand on Clarke’s arm. “I want to announce our relationship to the council. The Commander is supposed to remain alone, except for partners who are only for physical satisfaction.” Lexa shifted uncomfortably on her heels as she spoke. “I don’t want that for us. I want all of you and I don’t want to hide how I feel about you.”

  
Clarke felt the same way. She had started to become reckless with how she interacted with Lexa in front of people. She didn’t want to feel like she hiding her true feelings. She already had to hide away Wanheda and her power.

  
“I want to do that, but I think we should wait until we have a more stable peace.” Clarke knew it wasn’t the answer Lexa wanted to hear, but it was the only one that made sense right now.

  
Lexa moved closer to Clarke and gently cupped her face in her hands. She lifted Clarke’s chin so she could kiss her softly in the dimming candlelight of the hallway.

  
“Let’s go to bed.” Lexa whispered and placed one last lingering kiss on Clarke’s lips before taking her hand and leading the way through the hallways.

  
Lexa quickly dismissed the guards that stood by her door as she and Clarke walked into the room. When Clarke’s eyes locked on the bed a wave of exhaustion hit her. Lexa let go of her hand and started to take off her jacket and boots.

  
“Tonight, can you just hold me?” Clarke asked quietly, almost ashamed. Even though she knew Lexa had never judged her for needing help. Right now, with the weight of Jasper’s death still weighing on her mind and the lose of Arkadia feeling like a gaping whole in her chest, all she wanted was to feel protected.

  
“Of course.” Lexa finished undressing and walked back over to Clarke. “Everything will be fine Clarke.” Lexa reached up and touched Clarke’s forehead with her thumb and brushed it so she could tuck her blonde hair behind her ear.

  
“You are the only person I trust enough to believe that.” Clarke closed her eyes to Lexa’s touch.

  
“Come here.” Lexa pulled Clarke gently toward her and pressed her lips lovingly against Clarke’s. Both women melted into the kiss. Warmth spread between their bodies as the tried to get even closer together.

  
After a few minutes Lexa broke away and smiled at Clarke. “Let’s get to bed.”

  
Clarke just nodded and once again let Lexa take her hand and lead her to the bed. Lexa pulled the furs down and let Clarke crawl in before pulling them up to her chest. She kissed Clarke’s forehead before walking around the bed to her own side and curling in next to Clarke.

  
Clarke put her head on Lexa’s chest and listened to the sound of her heartbeat and steady breathing. The soft sounds were relaxing to Clarke, they made her muscles finally loosen up and her brain stop running a mile a minute. Before long she felt herself drifting off. Clarke let her mind concentrate on Lexa’s fingers tracing patterns on her bare skin.

  
Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and she was immediately greeted by a tingling in the pit of her stomach. Her breath hitched in her throat as her hands automatically gripped the sheets beneath her.

  
There was a large lump under the furs between Clarke’s legs and as the sleep left her mind she knew that Lexa had gotten up early to help Clarke relieve some stress.

  
“Lexa.” Clarke moaned, her voice breaking with a mixture of desire and grogginess. “Don’t stop.” The tingling in Clarke’s stomach was now traveling through her body. She felt like there was actual electricity coursing through her bloodstream.

  
Lexa moaned between Clarke’s legs, assuring Clarke that she had no intention of stopping her actions.

  
Clarke groaned as Lexa changed direction and speed. Clarke’s left hand reached down to grasp Lexa’s hair and thrust her hips to get more friction. She could feel her body started to reach its peak and needed the release so badly she took her other hand and tangled it in Lexa’s hair to push her down.

  
“So close.” Clarke murmured with her eyes screwed shut. “Lexa, so close.”

  
Again, Lexa made a low rumbling noise against Clarke’s center to let her know she wanted her to climax.

  
It happened quicker than Clarke thought and before she knew it she was gripping Lexa’s hair tightly and crying out her name.

  
Clarke’s entire body felt light and heavy at the same time. She couldn’t stop every part of her from shaking as Lexa pushed away the furs and slid up to wrap her arms around Clarke. Lexa’s arms were the only things keeping her grounded as she let every wave wash away the stress and pain that consumed her every breath.

  
“Thank...you.” Clarke gasped as soon as she found her breath. “That was amazing.”

  
Lexa kissed Clarke’s lips softly and made her moan deeply when she tasted herself on Lexa’s lips.

  
“Ready to start the day?” Lexa asked, a smirk painted on her beautiful face.

  
“Not. Even. Close.” Clarke said inbetween kisses.

  
They stayed linked together in bed for a while longer before getting up to get dressed. It felt like so much time had passed since Clarke had gotten to Polis, though really it had only been just over a day. It was the comfort that Clarke felt with Lexa that made this feel like home. The only place Clarke had ever really felt at home since she was sentenced to death on the Ark.

  
Just as Clarke finished tying her boots there was a knock at the door.

  
“Enter.” Lexa spoke loudly, the bubble that she shared with Clarke when they had private time was now shattered as the door opened and Octavia walked in.   
“Commander.” Octavia gave Lexa a small bow and didn’t even seem to notice Clarke. “We have a problem.”

  
Lexa reached down and buckled her jacket before responding. “What is the problem?”

  
“Bellamy’s dead.” Octavia’s voice was hollow and Clarke could hear the pain that she was trying to mask. “Harper came back but we haven’t been able to get much out of her yet. She’s very shaken.”

  
Lexa looked at Clarke and could see the same concern reflected in her eyes. “Bring her to the throne room.” Lexa ordered.

  
“She’s there, waiting for you to meet with her.” Octavia’s hand went to the hilt of her sword as she let her anxiety out by fidgeting with the loose strands of fabric that had torn away from the handle.

  
Lexa didn’t bother replying she just quickly walked out of the room with Clarke and Octavia following close behind.

  
Clarke wanted to reach out to Octavia and comfort her over the loss of her brother. She knew how close they had been before coming to earth. How Bellamy had tried to protect his sister at all costs, but they had grown apart as they both adapted to life on earth differently. Octavia grew up and didn’t need Bellamy as much. Bellamy struggled with the idea of peace among those he didn’t know.

  
Clarke felt a pain deep in her chest and knew that Octavia was feeling that pain but magnified by more than Clarke could understand. They hadn’t lost this many people so quickly in quite some time and it was almost too jarring. Clarke’s mind and body wanted to shut down, but she knew now more than ever she had to push on. She had to be strong for her people. She always had to be strong for her people.

  
They walked into the throne room and Clarke saw her mother sitting next to Harper who looked pale and unfocused. Abby was doing everything she could to comfort the young girl, but Harper didn’t seem to be responding.

  
“Mom.” Clarke walked over to where Abby and Harper were sitting. “How is she?”

  
Abby stood up and put her hand on Clarke’s arm to lead her a few feet away from Harper. “She has completely shut down. She’s in shock. The only thing she told us was the location of the body. Bellamy’s body.” The last words were said with immense sadness. It was as if just saying ‘the body’ was disrespectful in Abby’s eyes., but acknowledging that it was Bellamy’s body nearly ripped her heart out.

  
Clarke put a comforting arm on her mom’s shoulder and stood there for a second to grieve. After a few seconds she walked back over to Harper and knelt in front of her.

  
“What happened?” Clarke asked as she put a hand on Harper’s knee. She watched as Harper flinched at the contact. “Harper, what happened out there?”

  
Harper’s eyes tried to focus on Clarke, but there was something that was stopping her from opening up.

  
“Harper!” Clarke felt herself losing control. All she wanted was information and it was frustrating her that Harper wasn’t helping. In the back of her mind she knew her anger came from Wanheda, the entity that resided deep inside of her. It was still bubbling so close to the surface.

  
Harper looked frightened now and Clarke knew that wasn’t going to help. She felt pressure on her shoulder and looked up to see Lexa staring down at her. Clarke stood up, knowing that Lexa would be able to keep her emotions in check.

  
Clarke moved out of the way and let Lexa take her place in front of Harper. She tried with everything she had to push the anger down, push Wanheda down.

  
“Harper, who attacked you?” Lexa asked carefully. Clarke could tell she was anxious but her poise as Heda gave her the patience she needed to try and get through to Harper. “Harper, if we don’t know who attacked you then Bellamy died for nothing.”

  
“Bellamy.” Harper’s voice was weak. “Bellamy saved me.” Fresh tears poured down her cheeks as she looked up at everyone gathered around her.

  
“They attacked, the Ice Nation, and one of them was going to kill me. I fell back against a tree and he was standing above me with his spear. I closed my eyes, I thought I wasn’t going to make it. Bellamy ran up and tackled my attacker. They wrestled on the ground and I tried..Octavia I tried to get a clear shot. By the time I could get in there it was too late. The spear was stuck so deeply in his side I couldn’t even pull it out. I ran as fast as I could back to Polis. I ran and I regret not fighting. I’m sorry.”

  
Harper buried her face in her hands as her shoulders began to shake.

  
Lexa stood up and addressed the room. “There is no retaliation for Bellamy’s death. He knew the risks of going outside of the city. The Ice Nation was following my order to kill any Skaikru caught outside of the city.” Lexa turned to just address Octavia who looked like she could murder every person in Azgeda. “I’m sorry.” Lexa may have been a powerful and ruthless leader when she needed to be, but Clarke knew best of all that she was caring and felt deeply for her people.   
Octavia looked down and put her hands on her hips. She knew Lexa was right, though Clarke knew that wouldn’t stop Octavia from seeking revenge. She thought that Lexa knew that too, and Clarke also knew that Lexa wouldn’t stop Octavia from seeking whatever revenge she wanted.

  
“Take her up to the medical level and have the healers give her something to help her rest.” Lexa ordered the guards at the door. The two men walked over and helped Harper up and out of the room.

  
“We’ve sent men to try and retrieve Bellamy. There is no guarantee that the Ice Nation left his body.” Lexa explained.

  
One after another everyone started to walk out of the room. Clarke was sure no one knew what to do with themselves, but it was no use to anyone pacing the throne room and waiting for the guard to return.

  
Soon Clarke found herself alone with Lexa again. She walked over to Lexa, who seemed deep in thought.

  
“What’s our next move?” Clarke asked, she trusted Lexa’s wisdom above all else. She knew that if anyone knew what to do next it would be Lexa.

  
“We don’t have a next move, Clarke.” Lexa responded disheartenedly. “I’m sorry, but if we punish Ice Nation it will be for following an order I put into place.”

  
Clarke felt her last shred of hope disappear.

  
“If Octavia chooses to take action she will do it as a rogue warrior. Any retaliation would be considered an act of war and it could mean the end of the coalition.” Lexa explained and walked up to sit on her throne.

  
“Any revenge taken on Azgeda will not be backed by any armies in the coalition.” Lexa finished as she crossed her legs and looked over at Clarke. She could see the sadness etched in every part of her expression.

  
Clarke could feel a familiar heat rising up in her chest. She tried to conceal it but Wanheda was starting to take over once again. She wanted revenge, she thirsted for it. Clarke could feel herself losing control as she bit her lower lip.

  
“I’m going with Octavia.” The words came out of Clarke’s mouth before she could stop them. “I’m going to kill the Queen.”

  
Lexa’s eyes widened and she got up from her throne to walk over to Clarke again. “Clarke, you can’t do that. The Queen will have your head and take the power of Wanheda.”

  
“The Queen will try.” Clarke’s voice had dropped low to an almost growl. She felt her hands tightening into fists as her anger kept rising inside of her. Now she was beyond the point of turning off her anger. Wanheda was now in control.

  
That meant when Lexa reached out to try and calm Clarke down, she took a step back. “Don’t Lexa. Don’t try and stop me. Nia has taken too much from both of us. I can end it. Let me end it.” Clarke’s spoke through her teeth, her jaw was set and tense. She was trying with everything she had left to stop Wanheda from walking out of the room.

  
“There are others ways.” Lexa tried to counter. “We can work on this together.”

  
Clarke shook her head, but inside she was screaming to be released from her invisible prison. “I’m going to kill her Lexa. You can come with me.” Clarke actually did take a step forward, Wanheda was excited at the prospect of having such a powerful ally when she snuck into the city. “Together we’ll be unstoppable.”

  
Lexa was now looking at Clarke with a concern that for some reason gave her a renewed wave of irritation. She didn’t want to feel upset, especially when the target of her aggravation was Lexa. It was like her stomach was filled with boiling water that was spilling over and consuming her.

  
“You can just stay here, that’s fine.” Clarke moved to turn away and walk out of the room, but Lexa reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. Clarke turned to look back at Lexa and it was like she almost didn’t recognize her. She wasn’t looking at her through her eyes, it was Wanheda who knew nothing of love or caring. Wanheda seemed to only know kill and destroy. It was the spirit of the Commander of Death after all. It was an incredibly powerful force that had taken hold of Clarke’s spirit and entangled itself inside of her. Now she was at its mercy and there was nothing she could do to stop it once it took control.

  
“Clarke.” Lexa didn’t let go of Clarke’s arm as she pleaded with her to calm down and talk to her. “What’s going on? You aren’t acting like yourself.”

  
“How should I be acting? Like the Ice Nation didn’t just murder one of my people?” Clarke spat back angrily.

  
Lexa moved back as if physically injured by her words. “I know you cared about Bellamy. But there are other ways to avenge him.”

  
Clarke snorted humorlessly at Lexa’s words. “It doesn’t matter if I cared about Bellamy. The fact is Nia has gotten away with too much by finding loopholes. Don’t you want to make her pay? For Costia?” Clarke wanted to stop her mouth from moving. She was going too far now and she knew it. The scary part was Wanheda knew it too.

  
Lexa’s green eyes flashed with a violent rage at the mention of Costia. Clarke watched as the fire that burned white hot there ebbed slightly. “Costia wouldn’t want me to destroy myself on a fool’s errand.” Lexa’s voice was no longer even or patient. Clarke knew that the line had been crossed now and Lexa had retreated into herself to avoid the flood of emotion that was crashing over her.

  
“Go Clarke. Just go.” Lexa turned her back and lifted a hand to dismiss her from the room. “I won’t get in your way anymore.”

  
Clarke wanted to scream and throw herself to the hard ground to stop herself from walking out of the room. Except there was nothing she could do to stop Wanheda now. She could only watch as she walked out of the room to find Octavia and make plans for their attack on the Ice Nation. Clarke didn’t even get the chance to tell Lexa goodbye and now she wasn’t sure if she ever would again.

  
Octavia and Clarke stood together in the small room Octavia had been given to stay in and made plans. They arranged where they would enter the city and who they could bribe to get close to the Queen.

  
After hours of planning there was a sharp knock on the wooden door. Octavia walked the half dozen steps to get the the large door. When she opened it Clarke knew who was on the other side without turning around.

  
“May I speak with Clarke?” Lexa asked Octavia.

  
“Clarke, you have a visitor.” Octavia opened the door wider to let Lexa into the room.

  
Clarke finally turned around and locked eyes with Lexa as she walked into the room.

  
“Could you give us a few minutes, O?” Clarke asked.

  
“Sure, I’ll make sure we have all the supplies we need.” Octavia grabbed her thick jacket from the small chair near the door. “Meet me in the barn when you’re finished.”

  
Clarke nodded at Octavia, but her gaze never left Lexa. She was now standing just inside the room looking intently at a small picture on the wall.

  
Once the door closed and Clarke was alone with Lexa it was like all she wanted to do was run over and pull her into a tight embrace, but Lexa crossed her arms tightly over her chest and Clarke knew that this was not a social visit.

  
“Clarke, I’ve spoken with Titus.” Lexa began but Clarke cut her off with a humorless laugh.

  
“This already sounds promising.”

  
Lexa tensed her jaw in frustration but continued. “I’ve spoken with Titus and we think that when the spirit of Wanheda joined with you on the mountain it took on its own presence inside of you. It’s starting to consume you. Titus thinks the only reason it hasn’t fully taken control of your body yet is because you are so strong. I agreed.” Lexa uncrossed her arms and walked slowly toward Clarke. “This isn’t you Clarke. The anger you’re feeling, it’s the spirit of the Commander of Death. It’s my fault this thing is happening to you.”

  
It felt like something was tearing into her chest as she looked into Lexa’s sad eyes. She wanted so badly to pull her in and tell her it wasn’t her fault at all. Clarke didn’t blame her for her choice on the mountain. She had made the choice and she knew that. It was like her voice was lost in the ripping and shredding that was happening inside of her.

  
“Clarke, let me help you.” Lexa pleaded and reached to touch Clarke’s arm.

  
Clarke didn’t move away from the touch even though every part of her wanted her to move. It was like there was a glimmering part inside of her that couldn’t be touched. The part of her that was connected to Lexa and the love she had for her.

  
“Help me please.” Clarke felt warm tears forming in her eyes as she looked at Lexa for any hope she could find that she would get through this. “I don’t know how to stop it. I can feel it inside of me and it’s destroying me.”

  
Lexa just nodded and wrapped her arms around Clarke as the tears started to pour from her eyes. “I won’t let that happen. I promise.” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s hair.

  
Clarke felt the anger melting away as she just let Lexa hold her. Clarke’s shoulder’s shook and she tried to even out her breathing and calm down. She didn’t want this anger inside of her. It wasn’t her anger and it was starting to become too powerful to stop.

  
“Titus thinks there is a way to stop it.” Lexa explained after a few minutes of silence, the only sound had been Clarke’s sniffling in the small room. “It means killing the spirit of Wanheda inside of you. But if we do that we run a risk of destroying your soul as well. If that happens you won’t have anything tethering you to this world, you’ll die.”

  
Clarke let Lexa’s words sink in. There was no way she would be able to keep Wanheda at bay forever. She could already feel how tired she was and the Commander of Death was still breaking through.

  
“Whatever it takes. I trust you.” Clarke pulled away to look into Lexa’s eyes. “You won’t let anything happen to me.”

  
Lexa nodded and swallowed heavily. “I will do everything in my power.”

  
“So, what do we do?” Clarke asked, trying to seem more ready than she was for the next step.

  
“We go to Titus’ chambers and begin the ceremony.” Lexa responded, her voice heavy and full of pain. She was just as unsure as Clarke was about letting Titus into her head. Both girls knew there was no other way.

  
Lexa lead the way into the city where Lexa was greeted with her usual deserved fanfare from her people. They turned into the alley that was the back entrance to Titus’ quarters.

  
Clarke had only ever been into this room once before and it was when Titus has summoned her and told her to leave Polis for the good of her people and Lexa. It hadn’t been one of Clarke’s fondest memories of the city. Now she was walking into the same room to have her brain messed with.

  
“I really don’t like this place.” Clarke murmured as they walked down the stairs through a dank hall.

  
“I don’t doubt it. Titus hasn’t done much to make this place very welcoming.” Lexa agreed as she reached the bottom of the stairs and pushed back the thin curtain that blocked off the main room from the entrance. She let Clarke go in first and let the material fall behind her as they both walked in and were greeted by a smell that Clarke could only associate with rotten produce.

  
“Is it too late to change my mind? Maybe being consumed by an angry, vengeful spirit isn’t so bad.” Clarke tried to break the tension in the room and watched Lexa’s face break into a small smile.

  
“I think the spirit of Wanheda would lose in that situation.” Raven’s voice made Clarke jump and she turned to see her friend sitting in front of what looked like a flight chair.

  
“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked, walking over to see what Raven was working on.

  
“Titus let me know you guys may be in need of my services. Supposedly this chair can be rewired to negate the brainwaves that are feeding you thoughts of murder and death. It won’t kill the thing, but it will basically make sure it doesn’t get a signal inside of you anymore.” Raven explained without looking up from her work. She was attaching wires to the arms of the chair and connecting the other ends to some sort of box that sparked if she touched it the wrong way.

  
“So, Wanheda will still be inside of me?” Clarke was worried, no one else knew just how powerful this thing inside of her really was and what it was capable of doing.

  
“Don’t worry Clarke, if the procedure goes well Wanheda will no longer have any power over you.” Titus spoke up and walked over to stand next to Lexa. “We just have to hope that your own spirit is strong enough to handle the currents we must run through your body.” He added and Clarke saw Lexa’s head snap to look at him.

  
“Clarke will be perfectly fine.” Lexa spoke sharply to her teacher and Clarke could tell that Titus knew he had crossed a line and didn’t open his mouth to respond.

  
“Alright, I think I got this right.” Raven stood up and moved her neck around to stretch it. “Let’s give it a try.” Raven moved in front of the chair and motioned for Clarke to sit.

  
Clarke looked over her shoulder at Lexa who gave her a reassuring nod. Clarke took a deep breath and sat down in the large leather chair.

  
“Rest your arms here and try not to move too much. I need to get these wires perfectly in place or you could end up with those pretty blues popping out of your head.” Raven was joking, but the concentration on her face couldn’t be hidden. Clarke knew just how smart and capable Raven was and she knew that she wouldn’t put Clarke in a situation she didn’t believe she had complete control over.

  
Clarke spent a few minutes getting hooked into the chair and felt two long wires dangling from her temples. The room felt very hot all of a sudden. Clarke’s stomach was doing violent flips and she was scared she might vomit all over her lap.

  
“Ready?” Raven finally asked and Clarke felt her heart jump into her throat. She nodded as confidently as she could at Raven. “Here we go.” Raven put her hand over a large orange button and pressed down. The board Raven had been connecting to the chair lit up and started beeping and whirling next to Clarke.

  
Clarke was about to open her mouth to make a comment about what was happening when an overwhelming pain consumed every rational thought in her head. It was like something inside of her was actually dying. She closed her eyes and heard a scream, but she couldn’t make out exactly where it was coming from.

  
All the warmth Clarke had felt a few seconds before was gone. She felt her body, or what she thought was her body, shake. She couldn’t open her eyes again, Clarke wondered if she was even in the room anymore. She couldn’t feel the wires anymore and when she moved her fingers she couldn’t feel the smooth surface of the chair. Clarke thought about calling out for Lexa, but she wasn't even sure she had a mouth right now.

  
The screaming was getting louder now. Clarke felt something coming up from deep inside of her. There was a bright flash of light and Clarke wasn’t sure if she felt it or saw it, but it surrounded her.

  
After the flash Clarke saw images start to form before her. It was all the people she had lost, all the people she had killed, it was everything that had nearly destroyed her. This was it, Wanheda was trying one last time to consume Clarke and overtake her body. If Clarke’s spirit died before Raven could get rid of Wanheda there wouldn’t be a battle for her body anymore.

  
Clarke heard two voices screaming and she knew that one was now her. The pain was beyond anything she had ever experienced. She wanted to be strong. Lexa believed in her and that was all that mattered. Clarke thought about Lexa and tried to focus everything she had left on her love for Lexa. It was such a strong feeling that it started to fight back against the pain.

  
But with every step she took forward to defeat Wanheda’s push to destroy her, she felt her body start to slip further down and away from reality.

  
The screaming was filling her ears but there was another sound that was trying to reach her. It was her name and she knew in a second that it was Lexa. Clarke tensed every part of her body and focused on Lexa’s voice. It was the only thing that was keeping her from succumbing to the overwhelming pain.

  
“Clarke come back to me. You can do this. Please fight.” Lexa’s voice beat in her head like a war drum, pushing her beyond the pain. It was like Lexa was mentally pulling her back from the edge of darkness.

  
There was one last bloodcurdling scream before Clarke’s eyes shot open. She felt like she had been submerged in icy water for too long. Her lungs burned and her body was shaking uncontrollably. She blinked a few times to try and focus on her surroundings.

  
Clarke saw Titus standing back and looking at Clarke with complete shock. Raven wiped sweat from her forehead as she walked into Clarke’s line of view.

  
“Welcome back, Griffin.” Raven’s voice sounded oddly tinny in Clarke’s ears. “We almost lost you there.”

  
Clarke felt a pressure on her arm and slowly turned her head to avoid anymore pain. Lexa stood next to her and Clarke could see that she had actually let a tear escape her eye. It must have been too much to have to stand there and watch Clarke almost die.

  
“Are you okay?” Clarke’s own voice didn’t sound real, she was still coming back to reality and right now nothing seemed right. It was all too bright, too much for her brain to process.

  
“Are you?” Lexa countered with a small smile.

  
“I think so.” Clarke took a second to search her mind for any sense of the anger that had resided there, but there was nothing, not even an echo or whisper. She was sure it had worked, the spirit of Wanheda had been broken and Clarke was finally free.

  
“It was you.” Clarke spoke again and this time her voice sounded normal. Lexa turned her head in confusion at her. “You were my tether. I wouldn’t have made it through without you calling out to me. I wasn’t strong enough.” Clarke was a little ashamed to admit that she had so much weakness inside of her. That’s what she thought at least.

  
Until Lexa looked at her with a warm smile and turned to Titus. “Please leave us.” Titus looked at Raven and they both silently walked through the thin material blocking the entrance to the room.

  
“Clarke,” Lexa began and knelt down in front of Clarke. She scooped up her hands and gave them a squeeze. “It’s not weakness to need help from those who care. It is strength to find the trust and love that we have together. I would never leave you to fight alone ever again. I promise you that.”

  
Now it was Clarke who had tears in her eyes. “I trust you completely.” Lexa leaned up on her toes and kissed Clarke softly. “And after going through this I don’t want to wait anymore.” Clarke pushed her arms off the leather chair and tried to stand up. Lexa stood quickly to help her steady herself. “Lexa I think we should get married. I don’t want to wait another day to have every part of you. We have both lost so much and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

  
Their hands were intertwined as they looked at each other like nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. It would never come close to how deeply and powerfully these two women loved each other. It had been proven that their love already knew no limits. Clarke had come from space to land in Lexa’s backyard. They were meant to kill each other, but instead on a cold fall day in the middle of a war they kissed and everything else fell into place.

  
“Are you sure?” Lexa asked, always ready to give Clarke exactly what she wanted. She found her happiness in seeing Clarke’s happiness.

  
“I have never been more sure of anything.” Clarke responded and smiled. She felt a peace she hadn’t felt her entire life. For so long Clarke had craved earth and the life she felt she needed. But the entire time she had been locked up and dreaming of a life on earth she was preparing herself for loving Lexa.

  
“Griffin,” Raven whispered behind the thin fabric. “On the table, next to my bag.”

  
Lexa looked surprised at the voice as Clarke momentarily let go of Lexa to look where Raven had instructed. She saw exactly what Raven wanted her to find. Sitting next to Raven’s bag was a thin silver wire that had been twisted and formed into a crude ring.

  
Clarke smiled as she picked up the ring. “Thank you Raven.” She called out.

  
“I’ll make you guys better ones when I’m not dealing with life or death situations. So, no real timetable on that.”

  
Clarke saw a smile cross over Lexa’s face. She reached down and took Lexa’s hand. “You are my forever.” Clarke slowly slide the ring on Lexa’s hand. “I pledge everything I am and ever will be to you.”

  
Lexa’s green eyes looked down at her hand and Clarke saw a sparkle of excitement gleaming there.

  
“Titus,” Lexa didn’t look up from her hand, but she knew her teacher was waiting just behind the thin barrier with Raven. “Begin arrangements for our wedding.”

  
“Yes Heda.” Titus quickly replied and both girls listened as footsteps padded up the stone steps and out into the alleyway above.

  
“And so it begins.” Clarke smiled and put her arms around Lexa’s waist. They met in the middle and kissed deeply.

  
“Do I leave? I still have my stuff in there.” Raven’s voice once again called out from the entrance but neither girl bothered to respond as they continued to kiss. “Guys? Guys I really don’t want to be here when you get all sweaty.” Clarke and Lexa were far too invested in each other to even hear Raven’s complaints.

  
“Fine, I’ll come back later.” Raven finally conceded but that didn’t stop her from grumbling as she walked up the stairs. “This is the thanks I get for saving lives.”

  
Clarke smiled against Lexa’s lips as she thought about what their future held together. There had already been such darkness in their lives. Clarke didn’t expect that to change, but as she felt Lexa’s body pressed so tightly against her’s she knew that they could face everything together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
